An art deco oasis

Café: Equal 9 Cafe
Date: 1 July
Time: 8am
Location: 18 Queen Street, Melbourne CBD
Drink ordered: Cappucino
Price: $2.50 small/$3 for large
Coffee rating: 4 cups (beautifully crafted and presented, great taste)
Service: Genuine, friendly and warm
Book: The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolber
What’s on the menu: Full café menu

Why go: Sit on a stool at the window and look out at the old Victorian buildings across the street, people passing by below and sigh and take it all in

Observations: This cafe is located in a little art-deco masterpiece, a narrow black tiled building with a mast like a ship at the top. The café is up short flight of stairs with a row of stools to sit on at the window.

When I get my coffee from the very sweet friendly and warm guy behind the counter – you get the feeling he is genuinely interested in wishing you a good day – and take a seat its possible to really relax, look out across at the two brown-grey ornate Victorian buildings across the street, one of which is called the Lombard Building.

With Melbourne’s yellow cabs driving past and seated in the boxy little art deco coffee bar my mind drifts back to a little coffee bar I visited in Manhattan last year in the middle of winter. It was also a pokey place with the ornaments made out of recycled paper and a funky feel.

I could spend the whole morning in this cozy place.

Outside the café there is a blue plaque with details about the building which dates back to the jazzy 1930s. Imagine having a coffee here back then!

A café where its always evening

Café: Aranti Cafe
Date: 23 June
Time: 8am
Location: 100 Flinders Lane
Drink ordered: A cappucino
Price: $3.50
Coffee rating: 2,5 cups (high quality dark chocolate on top, bitter, perfect temperature, but the milk was almost sour)
Service: Pleasant and friendly
Book: The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver
What’s on the menu: Huge big café with breakfasts and lunches. A sign says $10.50 hot lunch and wine special

Why go: For the cozy seclusion and to feel as if you are stuck in the evening for ever

Observations: At $3.50 for a drink-in cappuccino, this is the most expensive coffee shop on the Street.

It’s at the back end of 333 Collins Street, a neo-art deco building, very grand. I guess the café serves the big wigs that work in the building, hence the price. Mind you the coffee is good (well almost) and the big space cozy. The windows are tinted so it feels like it’s the evening when its actually 8am in the morning.

I order and the lady behind the till with a thick European or South American accent asks me if I would like something to eat as well, her eyes looking down at a display of tempting muffins and banana bread. I resist.

I take a seat at a table, sitting in the beige leather bench that runs the length of the half the wall. A queue of people forms all dressed like they are going to a funeral – either black coats or black suits. This is a place for business breakfasts and deal making!

I read and feel quite content. The coffee is served with a rich helping of dark chocolate sprinkled on top. It tastes good at first but then I seem to taste something sour – is the milk off? I finish it anyway.

Reading Barbara Kingsolver’s The Lacuna – about a boy working in the house of Frieda Kahlo and Diego Rivera when Trotsky comes to stay. I have visited the very house in Mexico City and long to be back in that colourful, wonderful city.

According to Kingsolver (well one of her characters), there are three phases of your life
- your childhood
- your children’s childhood
- and then old age…

Having no kids yet, I must be young!

Very kosher memories of days of yore

Café: Glicks
Date: 10 June
Time: 11am
Location: 325 Flinders Lane
Drink ordered: A cappuccino and a blueberry bagel for later
Price: $3
Coffee rating: 3 cups (a little too bitter and soupy)
Service: Friendly
Book: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
What’s on the menu: Bagels, challah, Israeli salads

Why go: for the kosher bagels and challah of course!

Observations: I have walked past this café above Flinders lane on my way to work almost every morning for the last 2 months.

The name made me think of a Jewish bakery, and while I am not sure if it is kosher, when I climb the stairs and head inside I see it advertises Jewish events in Melbourne.
Inside its like stepping into a kosher bakery from Yeoville, Johannesburg, during the days when it was the Jewish ghetto of the city. Now sadly no more.

Still back to Glicks, which is an old building with wooden floors and high ceilings, glass cabinets full of israeli salads and fresh breads behind. There are challahs freshly baked for the Sabbath and bagels of course.

I order a cappuccino and take a seat on a stool by the window. From here I can watch over Flinders Lane and across to the grand neo-Art Deco 333 Collins street with its brass lamps and grand steps. It’s great having this birds eye view while watching people drag themselves to work in the cold. I could definitely spend a few hours reading here.

The bagel I buy on the way out – a treat for later.

Gunning for a good cuppa

Café: Merino Cafe
Date: 11th June
Time: 1.30pm
Location: The main road, Gunning, NSW
Drink ordered: Cappuccino and toasted sandwich
Price: $3
Coffee rating: 4 cups (delicious, beautifully presented, bitter and full-bodied)
Service: Slow and countrified
Book: Book browsing
What’s on the menu: Sandwiches, quiches, tandoori focaccias and steak sandwiches

Why go: Just outside of Canberra in sheep country, very quaint high street to browse after enjoying your cuppa

Observations: Gunning, population 1,000 is smack bang in the middle of sheep country. We stopped here on our drive from Melbourne to Sydney. The café is on the main road, lined with old Victorian brick buildings – a courthouse, picture house converted into a bookshop, two cafes and a few antique stores. Lots of sheep imagery and a lazy feel.

The café has a display of shears on the wall, a wood beam ceiling and slow service. The coffee is good and you can browse the overpriced books near the entrance. The food looked good. My sandwich was on wholegrain type bread and worth the wait. Everything is quite expensive, not one of those backward country towns, but an upmarket place with organic products on the shelf and lots of hand made soap (etc).

As I sat eating my sandwich and drinking my coffee I thought, what the hell would you do with your days here? Probably read a lot of books (the little shop has a good selection) and sit at a café and watch the passing parade of bikies and tourists.

Why join the queue?

Café: Three Bags full
Date: 4th June
Time: 10am
Location: 60 Nicholson Street, Abbotsford, Melbourne
Drink ordered: Full breakfast and cappucino
Price: $3.50 for coffee, $18 for breakfast
Coffee rating: 3.5 cups (well crafted, tasty but not exceptional)
Service: Friendly in a ditzy way
Book: The Saturday morning paper
What’s on the menu: Full café menu

Why go: To say you went to a cool, trendy café and stood outside waiting for a table like a douche bag

Observations: Three Bags Full is one of those cafes that the “cool” people go to, very trendy and hip and in a converted old Victorian warehouse to boot. That being said it has some nice design features (lamps hanging at the coffee bar made out of up turned cups and sauces the highlight).

We arrived relatively early, but the place was already packed with the trend setters, who looked up from their Herald Suns and looked us up and down. Luckily we did not have to queue outside like the other late arrivals, where you have to wear this silly, disinterested, yet chilled expression on your face while you fiddle with your iphone and try to look uber cool.

We sat at a communal table and got a very haughty look from the occupants at one end. I gave a haughty ‘in your face’ look back and we settled into our old steel factory chairs. I choose the big breakfast at around $18. I thought it was a bit much, but everything on the menu is over $15 so it seemed the best value. The food was OK, nothing exceptional, a bit bland to be honest, though the company was great (good friends). Everyone enjoyed their meals. I wish I’d tried the eggs with mushy peas which looked good.

Paraphrasing Woody Allen, it was a good place to spend a few hours chatting and eating breakfast, but not a great one (and then someone super-cool punched me in the mouth!) – if you don’t get the joke, listen to Woody Allen’s stand-up CD. Pure genius

On the subject of genius, you could do better than spending your hard earned cash at this pretentious place, but you could also do a lot worse. Depends on how cool you wanna be!

Posers and pets on Lygon Street

Café: University Cafe
Date: 5 June
Time: 10 am
Location: 257 Lygon Street, Carlton
Drink ordered: Cappuccino and French toast
Price: $3.50
Coffee rating: 4 cups (bitter, creamy, perfect balance)
Service: Fake friendly and off-handish
Book: Sunday newspapers
What’s on the menu: Full café menu (eggs benedict look great, French Toast with pears is delicious)

Why go: A Sunday morning spot to watch and have a laugh at the young hipsters posing after a big Saturday night out (Sunglasses, scowls, upturned coats)

Observations:
Lygon Street is little Italy in Melbourne. On Saturday night the proprietors stand outside with menus in hand offering free bruschetta and wine if you’ll eat in their establishments.

At 10am on a Sunday it’s a different scene – still relatively quiet in the brisk, chilly and sunny morning. The cafes are half full. After a cursory look around I choose University café which despite being empty inside, seems warm and inviting. Many of the pavement tables are occupied – full of smokers or people with dogs.

I order a cappuccino and wait for a friend, Jonny, to arrive. A surly waitress leaves water on my table. I look up at her to see if she’ll smile or even nod a greeting. Nothing! She could have been filling pot plants in a greenhouse. (Cheer up love!)

My waiter, who is far friendlier, points out where the newspapers are and I pick up a copy of the Sunday Age and peruse the footy scores. The café is all wood interior. Jonny arrives, we order breakfast and spend a few hours eating and chatting over our food and coffees.

The coffee is excellent. Nice and bitter, hot, but not scalding and with a healthy dose of powdered chocolate on top.

Others talk around us, a few tables full up. Outside the posers eat, smoke and hold hands with their girlfriends. Fashionably unkempt, scruffy designer labels, expensive sunglasses. It seems like the perfect way to spend a Sunday morning.

Movie posters and old Melbourne charm

Café: Riverside Deli and coffee house
Date: 31 May
Time: 1.40pm
Location: Cnr Flinders Lane and Highlander Lane, Melbourne CBD
Drink ordered: A cappuccino and slice of carrot cake
Price: $5.50
Coffee rating: 4 cups (Very bitter, perfect temperature and delicious taste)
Service: Uninterested and bored
Book: Charles Dickens: Great Expectations
What’s on the menu: A full deli selection of sandwiches, hot food, soups.

Why go: Quiet and out of the way, down a beautiful old lane. Sit at the counter and see how many of the film represented by movie posters on the wall you have seen.

Observations: This café is warm and cozy, the walls lined with framed movie posters, many classics and lots of great foreign movies. The café is a little oasis of calm, away from the hustle and bustle of downtown Melbourne. You reach it down a lane of old stone buildings and it feels like you’ve stepped back into Victorian times. This feeling is only enhanced by the view of the tram stop across the road where many of the old, turn of the century purple and gold banded circle trams stop as part of their free loop around the city. You can also cast your eye across at the Melbourne aquarium, voted one of the ugliest buildings in Melbourne recently.

I take a seat at the counter and look out across the street. The coffee arrives and slice of cake, no fork, just dropped on a plate. Luckily the coffee makes up for the stale, tasteless slice of carrot cake – it’s rich and delicious. I can hear what sounds like either Italian or Spanish being spoken behind the counter and the coffee is as good as any I’ve had in Europe.

Across from me is a painting of Tretchikoff’s painted green lady – you’d know the painting if you saw it, very famous. She is a graceful Asian lady with a green face and swept almost polished hair.

I look out at the steady stream of people walking down Flinders Street. Across the road are Asian tourists waiting for the tram. I perform a small social experiment – I stare at the people as they approach my window and see if they notice me looking at them. They all do and I quickly draw my gaze away.

People look in at windows that look out at them!

Sulky service by side show Bob

Café: Café Kingdom
Date: 26 May
Time: 1.40pm
Location: Cnr Flinders Lane and Market Street, Melbourne CBD
Drink ordered: Cappuccino & Muffin
Price: $5 (cappuccino on its own: $2.80)
Coffee rating: 4 cups (superb, bitter, full bodied, artfully presented)
Service: Impersonal, dopey
Book: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
What’s on the menu: Big selection including mega breakfast for $13.50 and warm chicken salad for $10.50
Why go: To be perched up above the street, looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows on a rainy afternoon

Observations: I’m served by a young ‘side-show Bob’ type character, tall with frizzy hair and just slightly demonic. Dressed in jeans, t-shirt and a black and white chequered scarf wrapped around his neck (can someone explain that one to me?) he looks bored and disinterested, vaguely snarling as I place my order. He’s the type of guy who makes you feel guilty about changing your order – in this case from a cappuccino to a cappuccino and blueberry muffin.

The café has floor to ceiling windows looking out across the intersection of Flinders Lane and Market Street. Diagonally across is the imposing, bulky, grey Port Authority Building. Old and rather ugly. I look up and can see tram, train and bus all at the same time. Trivial I know, but kind of cool in a “I need to get out more” kind of way.

The cafe is raised above the street by a few feet so you have a good vantage point to watch people go by. I spy four work colleagues dashing across the road before the rain hurtles down and forms streams in the gutters. Umbrellas pop up antennae.

I’ve moved on from Tony Blair to Charles Dickens. Re-reading ‘Great Expectations’. The last time I read it was at university many moons ago. I find myself marvelling at the inventive language and laughing at Dickens ability to caricature and at the same time accurately describe some of the characters with just a few choice sentences.

Pip (Dickens) describing one of the Xmas lunch guests: “I remember Mr Hubble as a tough, high-shouldered stooping old man, of sawdusty fragrance with his legs extraordinarily wide apart: so that in my short days I always saw some miles of open country between them when I met him coming up the lane.”

Behind me two men are discussing business in the language of low-life gangsters. Words like “blue arse fly” and “fuck head” drift across the table. The rain stops as suddenly as it began and the sky lightens.

Should I buy that BMW?

Café: Smoothe
Date: 24 May
Time: 8.30am
Location: 73 Dorcas Street, South Melbourne
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $3.20
Coffee rating: 3 cups (Smooth, could be a bit more bitter)
Service: Friendly
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s in a name?: According to the Urban Dictionary, it means: “suave; debonair; 2 hott 2 handle”
What’s on the menu: Huge deli section, yoghurt and muesli, bagels, wine and beer (for lunch unless you’re very thirsty)
Why go: Sit and have a coffee while you contemplate whether to buy the latest BMW or not.
Observations: This café is adjacent to the BMW Melbourne show room where all the latest models stand in sparkling, freshly waxed splendour; and on the ground level of the ANZ building.

While we’re (Larna and I) having our coffees the place is buzzing with a lot of banking people mingling Yellow ties and blue pinstripe suits are the predominant fashion.

Then at 9am almost as if someone has blown a whistle, the place clears out (including Larna who heads upstairs) and I’m left on my own in a virtually empty shop. A strange experience!

As for the café itself it’s modern and spacious with some funky red leather sofas with stylishly faded arms.

A cozy coffee in Brunswick

Café: Bellino
Date: 22 May
Time: 1pm
Location: 281 Victoria Street, Brunsick
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $3.00
Coffee rating: 4 cups (They’re Italian, they know how to make coffee)
Service: Very friendly
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s in a name?: Bellino is a municipality in the Province of Cuneo in the Italian region Piedmont, population 165. It also means “Pretty nice” in Italian.
What’s on the menu: Pizzas, foccacias, breakfasts, soups

Why go: Start here with a cozy coffee and a bite to eat and then head left and hit the discount shops and funky boutiques of multi-cultural Sydney Road.

Observations: The guy who serves us is a good likeness for George Calombaris, one of the judges on Masterchef Australia. Very warm and friendly. We order coffees and look at the menu – I got for a four seasons pizza and a cappuccino.

The café itself is divided into three sections – an outdoor area under a canopy (not very busy today due to the rain), a front section looking out onto Victoria road and a long narrow section at the back. There’s a wooden curving bar at the front, and interesting old photographs and posters on the wall – a copy of Toulouse Lautrec poster of prostitutes in a Parisian bar and a poster of a painting of a clown. It has rustic charm and has a warm and inviting feel.

A lot of regulars come here. A couple of oldies seem to be known to our waiter who gives them a hug and calls them by their first name. The old gent is dressed in a dapper dinner jacket, pants and leather shoes, very old school European.

The food arrives, my pizza is thin-crust and delicious (and big! I can’t finish). Everyone else enjoys their meals – eggs Benedict, omelette Provencale and a roast capsicum, zucchini, broccoli and fresh asparagus foccacia.

Our waiter “George” says “awesome” in response to just about anything you say – how good is that!

Other reviews: Urbanspoon,foodgod

A coffee in a bygone era

Café: Zuroona
Date: 19 May
Time: 8.30am
Location: Cnr Collins and Queen Street
Drink ordered: A latte
Price: $3.20
Coffee rating: 4 cups (delicious, velvety, bitter and full-bodied. Almost perfect)
Service: Very friendly
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Cakes, muffins, and whole lunch counter

Why go: Sit on one of the leather couches surrounded by classic Victorian-era architecture, a place to linger.

Observations: The café is located in the old Bank of New Zealand building, so I reckon it was built around 1890. The interior has been preserved with old dark wood panels rising half-way up the walls and around the long church-like windows. The ceiling and upper parts of the walls are covered in ornate, green and pink columns and other decorative bits. It is like stepping back into another era, when there was money to turn building interiors into high art.

I take a seat in one of the plush black leather couches and make myself comfortable. The café is quiet at this time of the morning, the odd customer coming in for a takeaway coffee. One other smartly dressed fellow is reading the paper in the corner.

The café is tastefully decorated, not too cluttered. I am still reading the Tony Blair autobiography, but the end is in sight. He continually reaffirms that he considered George Bush a good leader and a pal. I guess that is what people most criticised him for – being Bush’s poodle. The way he writes of it, he suggests that he actually managed to persuade George to do many things (get a UN backing for Iraq) and not the other way round. At least Tony has a sense of humour and is very human. Talking of all the long flights he went on, he said he dealt well with jetlag, but eating at strange hours and not great quality food played havoc with his digestion: “Like every other British man (I am paraphrasing here)…I need quality time on the loo”.

Well, I enjoyed some quality time in Zuroona and could have lingered longer if not for a 9am start a few blocks up. Duty calls us all!

Away from the rush

Café: Buffett Brasserie, University of Victoria
Date: 17 May
Time: 8.25am
Location: Arcade between Flinders Street and Flinders Lane
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $2.70 (Takeaway – $2.50)
Coffee rating: 3 cups (a bit thin, watery, not bitter, but quite drinkable without being gourmet)
Service: Friendly, but not overly so
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Sandwich bar, hot food, salad bar – minestrone soup for $5.70, biscuits, snacks, chocolates
Why go: A quite, warm place to read in the morning.

Observations: This café is definitely old school, but 1980s old school with yellow wooden chairs, pink seat covers and faux marble table tops which almost match the pinkish carpet.
Saying that the coffee is cheap and it’s a very peaceful place to have a coffee before facing the working world. I spent a very pleasant 30 minutes before work reading and letting my mind wander. There were just a few people having a coffee with me, most reading the newspaper. Two Asian woman run the show behind the counter, and the coffees arrive quickly.

At lunchtime I imagine its quite busy with students. The meals look cheap as well – a list of meals is stuck on the glass wall looking out on the arcade – some succulent looking Asian treats (Plum Chicken!) for under $10, worth a try I reckon.

I like the fact that it’s tucked away in an arcade and away from the bustling, hustling mad rush to get to work.

Pricey…and with attitude

Café: Spargo Espresso
Date: 14 May
Time: 11am
Location: 383 Keilor Road, Niddre
Drink ordered: A latte and a soy latte
Price: $7.80
Coffee rating: 3 cups (rather good, but too pricey)
Service: Surly, annoyed waitress
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Full café menu

Why go: Quite warm and cozy, but frosty service and way too expensive for what it is (breakfasts look good, healthy size portions)

Observations: My wife and I escaped the rain and dashed into Spargo’s for a coffee. It’s a big place with smallish chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, dangling like jellyfish.

We take a seat towards the back, near the window. Across from us a group of women (in their fifties) are looking at photos on a laptop from a trip to Mexico – I notice pics of the pyramid and ruins at Chichen Itza. We were there in December/January – it feels surreal casting my mind back in time when we walked around the stony ruins in the heat of a blue, sunny, Caribbean day, taking similar photos and hearing someone call out: “Senor, want some souvenirs, very cheap, almost free.”

The photos keep coming (I am watching too). The ladies gawp and mutter – a mixture of jealousy and boredom – is how I interpret their postures. The obligatory baby photos come next. Yawn, yawn.

Our waitress brings us menus. When we say we’re only having coffees, her face drops and her sweetness disappears as if she erased it from a blackboard. What’s with these waitresses that take personal offence when you only order coffees in a café! You encounter one every now and then – it’s like there’s some unwritten etiquette rule about ordering food.

Anyway, my mood improves as I watch a smoker puff a way, shivering at an outside table in the cold and rain.

I remember once, in a restaurant in Prague, when we asked for the bill, the waiter came up to us, handed over the cheque and then, not so subtely remarked: “Tip not included!” in a monotone European voice.

And how right he was….since no tip was included when we paid.

The best value coffee in Melbourne

Café: Friends Cafe
Date: 12, 13 May
Time: 8.35am/1.30pm
Location: 355 Flinders Lane
Drink ordered: Latte
Price: $2 (between 7 and 10am)
Coffee rating: 3.5 cups (good bitterness, a little watery, good heat)
Service: Efficient, polite and busy
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Banana bread and coffee ($5), Raisin Toast and coffee ($5), Ham & Cheese Croissant and coffee ($5)
Website: http://www.friendscafe.com.au

Why go: Best value for money morning coffee in Melbourne and a cool place to drink it too!

Observations: You enter this old style coffee shop through funky plastic “strip door” curtains, (the kind you used to find in doorways leading into butcheries and the back rooms of delis). The floor is a black and white chess board pattern and there are green stools to sit on at the counter overlooking the street.

I admit I was drawn into this shop by the offer of a $2 coffee written on a blackboard on the pavement. Not expecting anything great for that price, I was very surprised at the delicious coffee presented before me as I sat down to read and stare vacantly out the window. The coffee is as good, if not better, than some of the $3 and $3.50 coffees I have sampled at more upmarket establishments. Plus this café has a bit of old world, cheap Italian inner city café feel about it.

I sip and look outside – the people pass by umbrellas open in the drizzle, raincoats on. The predominant colour is black. People look moody and miserable. I read about Tony Blair’s assessment of his affair with Monica Lewinksy and have to laugh. Blair writes: “I was also convinced that his behaviour arose in part from his inordinate interest in and curiosity about people” . Yep, something arose alright, but I don’t think it was Bill’s curiosity!

The book is very interesting in parts (his rise to power, Princess Diana’s death, brokering the Northern Ireland peace deal) but also boringly dull in its descriptions of discussions, council meetings and when describing some of his ministers and colleagues. Also Blair can appear extremely arrogant at times, plus power hungry – well that can be said of them all.

A friend of mine mentioned that current politics in Australia appears to be fought over personalities not policies. It’s a popularity contest was his basic argument. I agree.

Anyway, time to walk the few blocks to work.

An Italian special

Café: Luca’s Cafe
Date: 9,10 May
Time: 8.40am/8.25am
Location: Cnr Flinders Lane and Queen Street
Drink ordered: Latte & Cappucino
Price: $3
Coffee rating: 4 cups (superb – smooth, bitter, thick and luscious)
Service: Italian (if Luca serves you) otherwise very friendly
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Cooked breakfasts, café treats

Why go: For the coffee, for the coffee, for the coffee and for the space

Observations: Once again I found myself drinking coffee in a café inside the foyer of a big CBD office tower. But this one is special because Luca’s coffees are themselves special. So special in fact that I have gone twice in a row!

And of course there is “Luca” – the Italian proprietor who like all his countrymen talks with his hands, extending them outwards as if pleading for his life, rather than just finding out from the waitress who ordered four coffees to go.

My first coffee is a latte, served in a short glass and at the perfect temperature. My second, a cappuccino also expertly crafted with shavings of dark chocolate on top. I sip and indulge.

The café is in a big space, with wooden tables and moulded plastic orange and white chairs.

From my vantage point I can look out at Flinders Lane as Melbourne’s white collar crowd scuttles to work, bracing against the cold and rain.

I entered the coffee shop somewhat anxious and tired, but within minutes a curious sense of people and of time slowing down enveloped me. Isn’t this why we come to these places? It mentally prepares me for a day in the office, it sets the tone.

There is a fascinating sculpture across from me against the window. My efforts to describe are, I admit poor, it’s a conglomeration of abstract parts – a sea shell resting on a black sofa resting on a brass chair (or cage). I need to study it more closely (and read the inscription) when I’m having my third coffee here, no doubt very soon. Anyway, I took a blurry photo:

Attack of the desk lamps

Café: Laneway Cafe
Date: 4 May
Time: 8.40am
Location: Custom House Lane, off Flinders Lane
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $3
Coffee rating: 3 cups (a sharp bitterness to the coffee, generous sprinkle of chocolate, but slightly watered down)
Service: Friendly
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Breakfast specials – raisin toast/coffee – $4.20, Bacon sandwich/coffee – $5.00
Why go: To sit under the giant black desk lamps and feel like you’re either at a sinister hair salon or having a strange sci-fi dream

Observations: This is another coffee shop inside the foyer of a big city building. It has a strong corporate feel, men in suits have serious conversations all around me, but at the same time is an inviting place – not that the two are mutually exclusive. The most astonishing thing are the aforementioned giant black desk lamps hovering overhead like aliens. They suit the big space though, as does the deli counter which offers a huge selection of things to eat.

A woman next to me was tucking into a plate of french toast while I sipped by cappuccino, which looked dee-lish. It’s so tempting to order a bite to eat, even just a friand or muffin, when you’re in a good café, but I think if I do that too often, it’s one step down a slippery slope to getting fat over winter.

The café sits in a pedestrianised laneway lined with coffee shops, a few Asian restaurants and a common concrete and grassy area with benches and chairs. Probably quite nice in summer. In winter, smokers contort themselves against the cold on the steel mesh benches.

Indoors, it’s cozy. I look out across Flinders Lane towards the Intercontinental in red brick, black steel and glass.

Of all the coffee shops…

Café: Hudson Coffee
Date: 3 May
Time: 1.30pm
Location: Customs House Lane off Flinders Street
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $3.40
Coffee rating: 2.5 cups (smothered in powdery chocolate, watered down taste)
Service: Friendly in a McDonalds way
Book: Tony Blair: A Journey
What’s on the menu: Sandwiches, juices, muffins, biscuits (all overpriced)
Why go: To remind yourself why you should only ever go to a coffee chain as a last resort

Observations: Of all the coffee shops in the world, I had to walk into this one…Actually it wasn’t quite as terrible as that, but why I chose it over about four others in this little plaza between office buildings, I don’t know.

It’s the kind of place people go to and spend their time updating their Facebook page via mobile gadget. Enough said. The décor looks and feels cheap made worse by the fact that the seating area is virtually deserted.

My coffee cup reads: “The Power of Coffee” with a cartoon sketch of a woman holding a coffee cup. Makes me think of the Carlton Draught Beer ad: “Carlton Draught…Made from beer”.

Plenty of interesting things happen to me or pass by my way when I drink coffee in a café, but not surprisingly nothing interesting happens in here. Back to the office I go!

Sipping too slowly, sir?

Café: Williams Bar and Cafe
Date: 2 May
Time: 8.35am
Location: 1 William Street, Melbourne CBD
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $3.40
Coffee rating: 4 cups (full-bodied, bitter, delicious)
Service: Sweet, friendly, bizarre
Book: Tony Blair: A Journey
What’s on the menu: The full buffet breakfast
Why go: For the full buffet breakfast if you’re in the mood, or to perch up above the street and people-watch

Observations: I should set the scene – I am 25 minutes out from my first day back in the full-time working world. It’s been 14 months since I sat at an office desk. How do I feel? Somewhat anxious, excited even, yes.

I order my coffee and take a seat by the window, where I have a view of my new office – Swan House. Level 7 is where I’ll be sitting in 20 minutes time.

The coffee arrives, I sit and sip. Evidently not fast enough for the waitress who comes up to my table to enquire: “Is the coffee OK sir?” Clearly, I am breaking some unwritten rule about how fast one should drink their coffee. But shouldn’t a good coffee be savoured? I feel guilty anyway and sip faster. (“Slow down man”, a voice tells me.)

A line from Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon pops into my head: “There’s someone in my head and its not me.”

Some background on the joint – it’s part of serviced apartments/hotel, hence the full breakfast spread with those glass dispensers filled with fruit juice, bowls of cereal and silver trays hiding no doubt eggs, beans, mushrooms etc. One morning I’ll have to treat myself and forsake lunch.

(A few words on my modus operandi: I have taken to using my mobile camera to take photos. I like the grainy quality of the photos and feel less conspicuous taking a pic with it. I’ve even managed to turn off the fake camera shutter sound. So I sit, jot down notes, thoughts, anything that pops into my head into my notepad, plus any totally trivial observations. That’s it really!)
Well, off to work I go….

Having my cake…

Café: Cupcake Bakery

Date: 28 April

Time: 2.40pm

Location: George Street, Sydney (near Wynward Station)

Drink ordered: Cappuccino and cupcake special

Price: $5.30

Coffee rating: 4 cups (smooth, bitter, quite delicious)

Service: German and friendly

Book: Tony Blair: A Journey

What’s on the menu: Lots of cupcakes

Why go: Sit outside at one of two tables on busy George Street with a window of cupcakes behind you, eating one, while people in a hurry stare at you strangely

Observations: Well, thrown back into the heart of Sydney, I realised, that yes, indeed, I do miss it, but only when I am here. How strange!

As I sat and nibbled on my cupcake or rather took gigantic bites of the delicious treat (rich chocolate icing and soft spongy cake) I get quizzical looks from people walking past. “Why is this man, who looks old enough to be at work, eating a cupcake on the sidewalk, pen in hand, in the middle of the day?” they seem to be saying. Then, as I stare back with my own haughty expression I realise that my head is surrounded by a huge display of cupcakes. So yes, maybe I do look a little bit odd against such a backdrop – though it’s probably just jealousy! (People staring at me oddly is a common occurrence for me I must admit).

Ah yes, I should say that while in the cupcake shop trying to decide which variety to choose, I asked the lady serving if any were low-fat. She looked at me as if I had asked the most ridiculous question, which I guess I had. Then in some pseudo-German accent she replied” “I don’t know. But seez one is GLUTen free maybe.” Suffice to say, I never chose the GLUTen free one.

In my diary I note: “My mind is empty, saturate in sugar and chocolate icing.”

I keep wondering if I might see someone I know. I have this theory that if you sit long enough in any one place, eventually someone you know will pass you by. OK so you may have to sit there a long while in some cases, such as if you’re in Guatemala or Peru.

Pie, donut and cappuccino

Café: Lai Hot Bread Bakery
Date: 27 April 2011
Time: 2pm
Location: 425 Keilor Road, Niddrie
Drink ordered: Cappuccino
Price: $3 (small)
Coffee rating: 3 cups (tasty, chocolaty, not too hot)
Service: Efficient, friendly, abrupt
Book: Tony Blair: A journey
What’s on the menu: Full bakery – lamingtons, hedgehogs, slices, buns and pies
Why go: Savour the smell of an Asian bakery, eat a pie and coffee on the sidewalk in the sun amongst the bustle of Keilor Road. Indulge in a free mini jam donut with your coffee

Observations: I was served by one of the two little Asian ladies who run the joint. I ordered a meat pie with tomato sauce, but immediately regret not having a Vietnamese roll for $4! What was I thinking? The little lady is cheerfully rude and efficient. I don’t want to draw any stereotypes, but I am sure you know the kind of service I mean – lots of smiles in between short, sharp sentences ending in question marks requiring immediate answers. (“Which pie you want? You want sauce? $3.10 please”) I take a seat outside in the sun. It’s like a summer’s day. I wish I brought my sunglasses. Dance music pumps out of an old Ford Fairlane stuck in traffic complete with P plate hoon with bad haircut revving the engine.

Begin reading Tony Blair’s autobiography while enjoying the complimentary jam donut . He promises that this political tale, unlike others, will be hard to put down. We’ll see. I read that he was Tory leader at 37 and prime minister in his early forties. Wow, it makes my little accomplishments sound even more insignificant. At the same time no one’s yet accused me of war crimes, nor have I been hated by millions of people – just annoyed family members, my wife and friends from time to time. He was PM while I lived in the UK, so I feel he was my PM too.

Well this is my last weekday of leisure. Don’t know when next I’ll be able to enjoy a coffee on a weekday afternoon – start new full time job (senior reporter) on Monday. Off to Sydney tomorrow, then Taree for the family wedding and back in Melbourne on Sunday night.

I savour my last sips of afternoon freedom.